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:~: Saturday, June 16, 2007 :~:

WARNING: Naked Rant Ahead

Okay, not a totally naked rant. More like a naked mannequin rant.

The dress I bought to wear to the Rita/GH ceremony at Nationals is gorgeous. I totally love it. It's black, full length, halter style, fitted but not skin-tight. Classy. Elegant. Perfect. The problem? The back dips down just low enough so a regular strapless bra won't work. I would love to be able to go sans bra, but alas, after nursing three Gremlins it's not in my future (not without some serious surgery). So, I went looking for something that would work. And I found this: The Flex Body Bra. Touted as Hollywood's Red Carpet Secret.

I ordered it. It came in the mail this week. And I tried it on.

Oh. My. God. I have NO idea how this thing works!!! I spent like an hour trying to get it on. The sticky parts kept unsticking. The whole cup area kept falling off. And I never even got close to the "cleavage" it promised. After spending $45 on the sucker, I'm more than ticked. It came with two lines for directions and nothing else. Two lines!!! A woman with a Masters degree should be able to figure this thing out, but for the life of me, I can't.

Anyone ever used one of these torture devices?



Blogger Linda Winfree said...

I've never used one, but two suggestions:

1) Get some of the tape they sell that girls use to keep their bathing suits in place for beautry pageants (I think it comes in a spray adhesive, too).

2) Check Newport News for their lingerie -- they have a backless corset-bra that closes at the waist but supposedly gives great support.

5:37 PM  
Blogger Elisabeth Naughton said...

Thanks, lin. I 'll check both of those out.

The things we women go through...

1:29 PM  
Blogger Paty Jager said...

Bring them to the meeting on Tuesday night and we'll see if we can figure them out for you! LOL

7:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL to Paty's suggestion! Too funny!

Yeah, I have something similar to these things, got them at Wal-Mart. Very inexpensive. I've never used them yet, haven't needed to as my breasts are fabulous. ROFLMAO!!!

No, seriously, I've never needed to use them yet because I don't go anywhere, so I can't tell you how they work. Sorry. But I feel bad for you spending all that money on something so frustrating. Bummer.

You could just be brave and go without anything. I would. But then again, I'm not one to take advice from because I go bra-less all the time and I don't care what people think. If people can wear their sweats and p.j.'s to town, I can surely go bra-less. And you going sans bra in a fabulous dress will probably look great. Put on said dress for dh and see what he thinks. If he thinks you look great, then go for it!

Good luck with the things. LOL

10:59 AM  
Blogger Elisabeth Naughton said...

LOL, Paty. Only if we have the room with no windows. Man, that would be scary for a passer-by.

3:01 PM  
Blogger Elisabeth Naughton said...

I WISH I could go without a bra, Piper, but I think the dress definitely needs one. And on the off chance I actually have to get up on stage, better not to be hanging out for the whole (writing) world to see. LOL

Maybe we should have a boob stick-on bra party. Get enough of us together and we should be able to figure it out, don't you think?

3:02 PM  
Blogger TJBrown said...

Since I could never do that (wear anything remotely like that) I can't help ya! But good luck with those, er that:)

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you'd come to the retreat we could all bring things like duct tape, super glue, sewing needles and thread, (ouch!) and try to figure something out for you. LOL

Wish you'd change your mind and come over the mountain with us.

10:25 AM  
Blogger Elisabeth Naughton said...

ROFL. Thanks, Teri.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Elisabeth Naughton said...

Aw, me too, Piper. As it turns out though, it's looking like the Beavs are heading to the championship series anyway, and that means DH is headed to Omaha on a guy road trip. So even if I'd planned to go, I'd have to back out at this point.

I hope you girls have a ball though. I'll be thinking of you!!!

10:53 AM  
Blogger Edie said...

Eli, I wonder if the manufacturer has a number that you can call for help. Like a Clairol number. Good luck!

5:51 PM  
Blogger Lexi said...

Talk about a good laugh! The guys around me in the computer place must be curious why I'm laughing!

3:34 AM  

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